Hello! So much has happened in these last few weeks that even attempting to write it in one post is a fool’s errand, but seeing as I’m pressed for time at the moment I think I’ll just do my best to get something in writing and keep this recap short. Downtime has become a limited commodity so I’ll take advantage of a second alone while I can. Here is a quick overview of my last few weeks.

First up Sundance, my favorite time of the year in Park City – when the People in Black come out in full force for 10 days at the end of January to talk film, fun and future. My good friend Julia was in town this year as well as a few others who braved the traffic to come see the films, so I was rarely alone as I went to movies and panels and presentations and exhibits and bars and concerts and wandered the streets of my beautiful hometown. The weather was sunny and warm, the first time it hasn’t snowed for Sundance in longer than I can remember and the extravagant fur and heels seemed less this year, like maybe the L.A. folk are starting to realize that Main Street slopes uphill.

As for my celebrity count I couldn’t even begin to tally, though I have to admit I was gutted to find out that I was in the same room as Harry Styles for a few hours without catching a glimpse. In my defense I was distracted by Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russel being adorably proud parents of Kate Hudson and crying over Zach Braff’s emotional kickstarter film.

I saw 20 films in ten days, but the one that stands a head and shoulders above the rest is I, Origins. Examining the lines between science and religion, beauty and weakness, dark and light, every layer hits home and more than a month and thousands of miles later I’m still thinking about it, already scouring the internet to find release dates. It’s definitely a Sundance movie, so it’s not a lighthearted romp, but let yourself fall into their world and you’ll never be the same.

The terrible news about Phillip Seymour Hoffman hurts even more because of the great work he did in A Most Wanted Man. My mother and I loved this slow burn spy film and while the emotions you’ll feel are slightly traumatic, the take away can be whatever you want it to be.

Other stand outs include Dinosaur 13 (If you piss off a judge and get sentenced to prison for finding a t-rex skeleton, you might as well start a lecture series with the other inmates), The Disobedient (A Serbian coming of age story – WAY BETTER than Happy Christmas), the short film My Sense of Modesty (art demands intimacy) and The Voices (we all hear voices – what matters is whether we listen to them). The rest of the films this year were very much character studies, glimpses into the daily or yearly life of people all over the world. I wouldn’t recommend most of them, but I’m glad I saw all of them. The Q & A afterwards is always worth it.

The events outside the theatre were worth attending as well, KT Tunstall’s rendition of Boys of Summer in the Music Café was almost overshadowed by the four incredible singer song writers who opened for her. Air BnB gave out $100 gift certificates to their site and I finally made it to Film Church – listening to the organizers gossip about the drama of the week. I sipped mulled wine for the first time and met Tiffany Shlain, listened to Robert Redford’s stories of his youth and walked from Main Street to the ski resort to see the half pipe competition and OAR concert. I was introduced to Tinder and learned it is so much more than a dating ap and felt Lady Antebellum’s confidence even in the back row. Sundance is always magical and this year was no exception.

A week later I quit my job, feeling much more sadness than I expected. I didn’t really think about how close I’d gotten to some of my coworkers over the last year, saying goodbye and leaving them to finish the projects we’d all worked so hard on wasn’t easy. It felt good to be done, finishing a part of my life that I knew would always end, but it also sucked saying goodbye.

Yesterday was my last day of carpooling to work with my dad, (he works from home on Fridays) and it wasn’t until we arrived in the parking lot that I noted this milestone, my emotions bittersweet as we realized it was time to begin the process of saying goodbye. I took a deep breath and headed into work, suppressing the feelings that would inevitably be flooding me in the coming days; he told me later that he cried after I left, reeling in the car as time caught up with him. Life goes so fast. I’ve lived and worked with him almost every day for the last 14 months, and as excited as I am for this new beginning, it brings with it a whole lot of endings. Endings I wish I could bring with me.

On Wednesday I’m leaving for an incredible adventure, 5 months traveling around Europe with friends and family. I’ll only be alone about 4 weeks total and it’s been incredible to connect with so many people over the last few months of planning this trip. I’ve learned so much already and I haven’t even left yet, as much work as the planning has been, it’s been completely worth it.

People have told me about their favorite places, shared with me their most memorable lessons, given me their blessings. My friends have changed their schedules to meet me and my family has almost done as much research as I have; I’ve even met strangers who’ve taken the time to give me phone numbers of people I should call and websites I should visit. Out of the blue my friend’s mother gave me a book and letter that congratulated me for taking the time to assess how I want my life to be and making the necessary steps to make it happen. My dad’s friend took a picture of me and sent it to his friends in England so they’ll recognize me when we meet up. A 90 year old woman from my mother’s book club took both my hands in hers and said she was grateful to meet someone as brave as me.

I‘ve appreciated these affirmations more than I probably should have, and I wish I was as confident in this choice as so many other people seem to be for me. I’m glad I’m doing this, but I’m also so sad not to be doing everything else. Maybe being a 20-something is about finally realizing that in order to have a happy moment you have to let go of something else. Maybe it’s realizing that it is okay to be happy and a little bit sad.

Last night was the last time I’ll get to see my dad play basketball this year. The last time I’ll get to go out to the pub with his team. The last time I get to make sure he makes it home safely. This morning was the last time I got to kiss my mother goodbye before going to work, the last time I’ll be a half hour late for work because we got talking. The last time I’ll get to sing along to morning radio at the top of my lungs for an hour long drive as part of a daily routine.

My coming weekend is overbooked with goodbyes. I’ll barely have time to pack between hangouts and skype dates, goodbye dinners and last minute phone calls. I won’t have time to feel sad, I know goodbyes like this well from leaving Seattle and all my travels during college; I won’t really let any of it reach me until a week later when I’m alone.

Right now I don’t know how to feel, a large part of me knowing that suppressing it all will only lead to an explosion later, but there is no right way to say goodbye and I do know that this is what I and many other people want for me. It is okay to be happy but a little sad.

For the last few days I’ve had this Billy Joel song on repeat, feeding my melancholy and also letting it completely fortify me for the coming changes in my life. It feels very 20-something and if you haven’t heard this cover you should.

I think Billy is right when he says only fools are satisfied, dream on but don’t imagine they’ll all come true.

Good thing I’m on my way to Vienna.

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